Fighting

Raindi is right...I have to fight for this. I HATE losing, I HATE being defeated. I hate not having control over things I know I can control. I just need to get it in my head that I can do this and do it correctly and well. I know I'm stronger than I have been in years and I know my diet is the hardest part right now. Every day at work is the same thing... "What do we get for lunch?" and we end up getting Jimmy John's or something like that. It's killing me. I hate it. I just hate it. I just need to completely change again. I thought I had this shit down and it's slowly fallen away from my grasp. I'm not back to the old ways, but I know if I continue like this, I will be there soon and it scares the living shit outta me. I sit here wondering where I'd be right now if I had stayed 100% on the track I started on. This just sucks and it scares me. I haven't been sleeping because I've been having dreams about my ex. Last week I had dreams two consecutive nights replaying the night she broke up with me and it upset me so bad I had to go for a drive in the middle of the night to blow off steam and relax. Then, I'm so tired during the day, I just don't care about anything else. It sucks and it's really hard. I wish I knew why this whole breakup thing, which should be out of my head by now, is still affecting me so much. I look back and every little detail of that relationship and do nothing but blame myself for things I should have done differently and times I should have opened my mouth when I wanted to and should have taken the initiative to do things when I had the chance and didn't. I have to stop blaming myself, but that's just really hard to do for me. I just can't bring myself to focus how I have to. I am definitely taking time off soon to relax and think about ME and only ME. Damn it, this shouldn't be this hard. It SHOULDN'T be this hard! I get chest pains whenever I think about how hard I have to work to get this figured out. I seem to be so good at solving everyone else's problems...why the hell can't I solve my own?!? I spend so much time at work making sure that everyone is taken care of and that I'm doing everything I can, that I'm not taking the time to watch out for my own self worth. Damn it, I am worth more than that, aren't I? I think I'm a good person and I have a lot to offer. I treat people special to me like gold and I'd do anything for my friends and my family. I look back at my life after high school and think about all the things I should have done differently and just hate the fact that I should have done things differently and maybe I wouldn't have to go through this. Yep, I'm an absolute mess tonight and am going to be shortly turning off my phone and computer and trying to get a good night's sleep tonight. I need it bad. I noticed tonight how cranky I am and I need to nip that shit in the bud so I don't piss everyone off. I'm going shooting with Dan, Emily and Kelly tomorrow morning for Kelly's birthday, so maybe I'll be able to blow off a little agression with the Mosin...should be good for me. I've got some Winchester rounds sitting next to me here. We'll have some fun for sure.

Day Eighty

Starting something new on Monday. This weekend is going to be super busy and I've been busting my butt all week here at work. It's been hard keeping up with writing, but I'm not giving up. I just get to a point where it's so late at night when I want to write that my eyes can't stay open long enough to actually write. I've been bad this week, but I'm making a plan to start fresh. I went to the gym this morning and it was hard. I never realized how much different it was going to the gym vs. exercising outside. It's definitely different. I am going grocery shopping on Sunday and I am setting myself up for the whole week with a meal plan. This is stupid. If I don't get my diet back under control, I'm going to wire my jaw shut...just like a buddy of mine said he was going to do if he couldn't figure his shit out either. This should be so easy and it's anything but easy. I have so much to look forward to when I get healthy and I just keep losing sight of that. It's all on me and no one else.

Day Seventy Nine

Having some hard times. I just can't get myself back into this whole diet and exercise thing. It's hard and it's depressing me. I know for sure I need to sit down and draw up a plan which is what I want to do tomorrow night. I'm feeling like there just aren't enough hours in the day to do what I want to do. I think I need to take some time off from work soon. Maybe in a few weeks I'll take a week off or something. Who knows. I need a break from everything and need some time to actually gather some thoughts and work on some things for myself. Yes, I love solving everyone else's problems, but I think it's time I sit down and think about me for a change. I need a better plan and a better routine. Winter is coming and there needs to be an adjustment. Who knows. I've got a bunch on my mind. I heard a sister of a friend died today and I have a relative not doing so well with cancer, so that's on my mind too. Just lots going on. I hope everyone has had a good night and I'll catch you on the flipside. Goodnight, friends.

Day Seventy Eight

Had a good day today. Woke up early and went riding at work again. Little cold, but manageable. I need to buy myself some damn gloves. Did some more work with some machines at work and had a damn disaster with one of my switches. It decided to forget all of its settings and I had to re-enter all the settings for it. What a disaster. Took an hour to get everything working the way it's supposed to. After that, I had a meeting and did some thinking. I skipped lunch because I was too busy and grabbed something on the way home from work. When I got home from work, Matt was getting ready to go running so I thought I'd join him. Not, running, but riding. So, he was going to do a loop and I went along and did a nice 5 mile ride. Phew! Now, after that, I was tired and pretty much passed out last night. I still need to find a computer programmer / engineer to help me get my new idea off the ground so I can submit it to a few companies and see if it's possible to bring it to market. I think it's an awesome idea...just need to bring it to fruition. I just don't know what it'll cost me...we'll see. Well, since my blogger wasn't working last night, I am writing this in the morning. Hope you all had a good night. Catch you on the flipside.

Day Seventy Seven

Feeling better today. I slept until about 9am this morning and got out of bed and went and enjoyed the morning air for a little bit. I sat and watched the Bears beat Tampa Bay in London and then watched the Packers and Vikings battle it out this afternoon, so I didn't do much of anything at all today. I was very very lazy today. I guess I'm finally taking a day to relax and do nothing. Last week was a busy week for me....I worked my ass off last week and I think a few days of doing nothing is deserved. I'm kind of lost in this whole diet and exercise thing right now for some reason and I'm beating myself up about it. The weather is breaking and it's making it really easy for me to be lazy and be lax about it. The sun doesn't come up until late each morning and it goes down early. I hate it. I want summer back. I am dying for change each and every single day and I am finding it hard to find each and every single day. I need a jump start. I need a new beginning. I need a pep talk. I need a reminder of why I'm doing this. I have a million reasons to do it, but, and this might sound really dumb, but I feel like all those reasons are stale and I need to rejuvinate it all. Here I sit watching football and wish I was out with a girl having dinner or out doing touch n go's in a Cessna at Aurora or DuPage challenging myself. Why is something that should be so easy to do with all the reasons I have so damn difficult?? It's so damn frustrating and I wish I knew what to do about it. Maybe I need professional help... I don't know. I guess I feel a little lost again. I'll get there. I know I will. I just need to find the right way to veer at this fork in the road. Hope you're all having a good night and had a great weekend. Love you guys. Catch you on the flipside.

Day Seventy Six

Well, today was kind of a drag. I woke up early throwing up and I couldn't figure out why. Just sick. I pretty much did nothing today and relaxed tonight. Not much going on other than that, so I'm gonna cut short. I hope you all have a good night. Catch you on the flipside.

Day Seventy Five

Today was another good day. I went to work at 6am and rode my bike. I did abotu 8 miles and froze my nuts off. :) I wanted to get a little head start on things at work, so I got to work around 7:30 and started working on my network project, which I finished! I have a couple of bugs to work out, but still, it's done! Sweet! Talked to my new friend all day today via e-mail and text. Maybe we'll get together at some point this weekend and have a drink or something. We'll see. After work, I did some things to some new computers and then hit the road. I got halfway home and Butch called me wanting me to stop by his place of work and check a few things out. What a cool company! It's really interesting. After we did some stuff there, I went over to Dan's with Butch and we played Guitar Hero for a few hours. Now, yes, it's a video game and it's childish...but you know what? If you grow up, you die. Might as well have fun and do what feels fun at the time instead of trying to be the "mature" one. I'm tired of being stuffy...Now, I'm home and ready to hit the sack.. Hope everyone is having a good night and I will catch you on the flipside.

Day Seventy Four

I had a good day today I guess. I woke up a little later than I wanted to, but I was able to get in and set some stuff done with our network. I ordered a new router for one of our clients to get things done over there and replace one that broke, so I was able to do that this morning. I'm having a hard time getting used to this cold weather. I dug through all my clothes today and broke out the long pants, sweatshirts and long sleeve stuff...hell, I even broke out a hat because I am riding my bike tomorrow..good lord I am going to freeze my balls off tomorrow morning! :) This new acquaintance I made this week is really starting to grow on me. Maybe it'll turn into something good someday. One day at a time, one conversation at a time. No expectations, just enjoying the friendship right now. I came home at a decent time today and had dinner with my family for the first time all week. Watched a little Hawks, Big Bang Theory and now I'm watching Breaking Bad with Matt and then I'm off to bed...Up early! Hope you're all having a good night. Goodnight friends. Catch you on the flipside. :)

Day Seventy Three

I need a kick in the ass! Somebody please beat me for not riding this week. I always told Shalene i was going to need an ass kicking svery now and then. Now is one of those times! The weather has been shitty so I haven't ridden at all. I have worked so much this week, I just had nights where I just wanted to sleep. I could NOT bring myself to get up at 5am this morning and slept until 6:30 I think. I was so busy at work... I just didn't know where to start. I am working on a networking project with VLANs and I'm having a hard time working on the switches with everyone working at the same time. It's hard. I have been writing and talking to a friend almost non stop for the last three days and it's a good feeling to have someone on the other end of the texts and phone calls again. After work today, I went and visited Butch at work and helped him with a few things and we did a few things with other computers and then I came home about 9pm. I'm in bed waiting for laundry and need to go to sleep. I hope everyone is having a good night. Goodnight friends. Catch you on the flipside. :)

Day Seventy Two

Had a late start this morning. Got to work on time, but I didn't get home until about 11:30pm last night. I stayed up talking to a friend and didn't fall asleep until late. When I woke up, I just got my stuff and went in. I didn't even bother doing anything else. I had so much to do. I did some selling today, did some network stuff and got a new wireless access point ready to install. After work, I talked on the phone with a new friend for over an hour and had a great conversation. When I got home, I relaxed for a bit and took a shower and went to bed and here I am writing. I hope to get a long night of sleep. I hope you're having a good night. Catch u on the flipside...

Day Seventy One

Overslept this morning and got a TON accomplished at work today. I'll have to write more tomorrow. I worked a 16 hour day today today. Home AT&T 11:15 tonight... I'm so tired! Glad I had good company. It was a fun day. I'm off to bed! Can't keep my eyes open. Goodnight friends. Catch you on the flipside.

Day Seventy

Whew...what a weekend! I know I slacked off last night and didn't write, but here goes... so yesterday, I was going to go help Dan change the locks on his late father's house and make sure that things were taken care of and when we got there, the locks had already been changed! Whoever was living there has pretty much taken up squatter's rights and will not allow anyone in the house. When we went to the police, they told us not to touch the house as we would be trespassing! However wrong that situation may be, we agreed and went back to Dan's mom's place. After having a long long discussion and a few drinks, we went back home in a convoy between me and Dan, Emily and the kids and Kelly in her car. We all went out to see Munger Road...worst movie ever. It was cool to see the city of St. Charles in a movie, but damn it was bad! Just drawn out and ended like crap! Anyways, after the movie, we drove out to Munger Road to see how many people were actually driving out there to see the railroad tracks in which the movie was centered around and there were a ton! So silly. On the way home, we decided to drink, and grab Taco Bell and discuss what we were going to do with the squatter and talked into the night. Dan and Kelly and I were up until at least 4am talking and laughing and telling stories. It was so much fun. :) I came home and passed out on the couch and woke up around 7. Matt and Butch and I went shopping for a few things today and went to breakfast. When we were out, we had stopped at where Butch works and checked out his place. I love it. He's got a pretty neat job. Same kind of work I do, but he's totally got a great set up. It's fantastic. Good for him, he deserves a good job. He loves it there. When I got home, I took it easy and relaxed. I did some laundry tonight in our new washing machine (THANK GOD) and got ready for the Bears game which I am happily watching right now. It's the beginning of the 4th quarter and it's 36-10 Bears and it's 3rd and Goal...c'mon Jay!! Do it! Kelly was having a hard time getting her computer updated with the new iTunes so she can get iOS5 on her phone, so I remoted in and updated it for her. Took a while, but I love helping friends. That's my thing I guess! I'm going to head to bed and throw my clothes in the dryer and hit the sack. Well, it's been a slice. I'm off to bed to finish watching the Bears game. It's 39-10 right now. LOL...nice. Goodnight, friends. Catch you on the flipside...

Day Sixty Nine

I will write about this day in the "morning" as it is 4:00am and I just got home from an entire day of fun with Dan, Emily and Kelly. Good day of helping out, drinking, movie, dinner and more drinking.... What a LONG DAY!!! I will definitely write more in a few hours when I awaken from my alcohol induced coma. :) goodnight Friends. Catch you on the flipside

Day Sixty Eight

Froze my butt off riding in the cold wind today. Did 7 miles and it felt like 20. It was so windy! I had a good workout. Work was pretty boring today and I'm very ready for bed. I'll try and write more tomorrow. Sleep tight tonight, friends. Love ya all. Catch you on the flipside.

Day Sixty Seven

I haven't been sleeping well lately. Lots of stuff on my mind. Things that I miss keep occupying my dreams and things that I'm stressing over keep coming up. I'm just tired of playing catch up. Today someone at work came up to me and told me that she loved reading my blogs everyday. I like writing them even if I'm too tired. Like right now, it's just about midnight and I can't sleep and I know I have to get up around 5am and go bust my ass on the bike again that's really a a lot harder than you think it is. It's hard to get motivated. I suppose I should really try and go to sleep. I hope you all are having a good night! Good night friends, catch you on the flipside...

Day Sixty Six

Woke up around 1am this morning after having a sad dream. I re-lived a bad night and just couldn't fall asleep again. Everytime I started drifting off, it started right back where I left off. So, I stayed up and watched some tv and then drifted off around 4am and woke up at 5am and just said screw it...I went to work to get riding. When I got to work, I got the bike out and hit the timer. I had a pretty good pace the whole time until about mile 5. My knee was really really hurting for some reason. Almost like a pressure was building up under my knee cap. So, I slowed down and kept riding at a gentle pace. Only hit 8 miles, but I was really hurting. Getting to work, I knew I had a lot to do today and wanted to do an audit of our AT&T records and see if there was a way to get us some savings on cash. So, tomorrow, I'm going to go around to each building and see if I can pinpoint the phone lines that we do and don't use and get rid of them. I want to move us to an efax solution and find some way of processing credit cards online. Our phone lines cost so much to have, it's a waste to keep them running. Later, I went upstairs to start working on a project near my boss's office. Our owner, Bernie was in there today and he and I had a great talk. I showed him a lot of cool shit that his iPhone could do that he didn't know about and explained some things to him about the computers. All this while my boss sat and shook his head laughing. It was fun actually. I did the audit around 10am and it took a good 2 hours or so. At 2pm, Bernie had asked me if I could go thru the records and try and find out why we're paying AT&T so much every month. When I told him I took it upon myself to do it already, he just shook his head and smiled and said "That's my Mikey...if I need it, you're on top of it." He's such a good man. I really do look up to him and really think of him as a father figure. He's really one of those guys. Very fortunate man, but extremely humble about it. I tell ya...I would not be at JA anymore if it weren't for Bernie and Brad...those two have done more for me at this company than anyone else would do somewhere else and I can't thank them enough for what they've done for me. Hell, who else can talk to their boss about how many miles he ran in the morning or ride their bike next to him while he's running and push each other a little harder. It's a pretty cool thing. When I came home, the bad news kept flowing and things are worst than I thought and an intervention needs to be had I think. It has nothing to do with mine or anyone else's health or anything, so don't worry...it's just a shitty situation that needs to be dealt with. Butch came by and bought dinner and we had a good chat afterwards. Tomorrow is T-28 Mod night at Dan's I think, so that'll be fun. Can't wait for tomorrow...I just want a good night's sleep. Speaking of which, it's past my bedtime. Hope you all have a good night. Goodnight, friends. Catch you on the flipside.

Day Sixty Five

I am feeling really bad tonight. Really tired and run down and stressed. I need to try and sleep this day away. I had some shitty news dropped on me tonight and I'll have to talk about it at a later date. I just don't have the energy to blog too much tonight. Gotta do some thinking and some planning. I have lots of work to do. I hope you all have a great night. I will write more in the morning. For now, I'm going to bed. Night, friends...catch you on the flipside.

Day Sixty Four

Well, did a little something different today. I've been wondering if I'm doing absolutely everything I can to get rid of this weight. I know I'm sounding like a martyr or something, but I'm just not feeling the loss as fast as I want it. This is something that, in my mind and my heart, I want this to make me feel better than I have in the last couple of years. I just will not be completely happy with myself until I can say that I'm in a spot where I think I am healthy and able to reach the goals I've set for myself. I am 30...I haven't lived yet. I've had one relationship in my life and it's now gone down in flames. I think maybe that's why I want this so fucking bad. I was such a happier person when I was with someone because I just felt so much closer to being completely happy. I walk around at work and I can feel people looking at me and I catch people catching glances at my belly and stuff and it just makes me so uncomfortable. Makes me want to curl up in a hole and block myself away from everyone, but the only thing I can do is get up every single day and go to work and bust my ass and try and shed this shell holding me back from flying, from catching the eyes of women, from doing everything else I can't do right now. Today I went to the "Mike" ramp and decided to try a Couch to 5K session and walk/run the access road at the airport and my knee just wasn't up to it, so I walked it out for 40 min and did a mile and a half. I felt pretty good after that...my knee was hurting a bit, but I felt physically pretty pumped. I did a bunch of good stuff at work today and went home to watch the Bears game at Dan's place. I'm ready for bed for sure. I'm not sure if I want to walk or ride my bike tomorrow. We'll see how I feel. Maybe I'll drop my bike off and walk from the "Mike" ramp and then ride when I get back to work and do a few miles on the bike. Maybe that's what I'll do. I talked with Emily tonight and she knows how I feel and she knows I'm frustrated and she's right...it's a slow process, and I need to be patient. I thought I'd be more patient...but I guess not. :) I'll get there...I'm just venting tonight before bed...maybe I'll sleep a little better. I hope you all have a good night and I'll catch you on the flipside. Goodnight, friends.

Day Sixty Three

Well, I felt like crap today...I woke up at 6am to a wasp crawling on my face...must have come in last night thru the window. I had the windows open because it was nice out. That woke my ass up and I couldn't go back to sleep after that. So, I've had a huge headache all day long. I suppose the hangover I had was well deserved. Butch and I went to Dan's last night and that first beer went down really easily, so I kept going. Plus, Dan bought some new rum and I love me some rum...the shots of that were awesome. All 4 of them. I went downstairs and Butch came over to get his airplane out of my car so he and I flew in the driveway for a little while and he left to go see his kids. We ate breakfast and Megan and Josh and Matt and I went to American Science and Surplus. I wanted to get a weather balloon...yes, like in the commercial. More on that later. After that, I went to work to do some more work on our new maintenance system that is now up and running and came home and took a much much needed nap...which lasted must longer than I wanted. I really wasn't intending on sleeping this long, but I feel better. I shoud have stayed up and just toughed it out until 9 or so. I am watching some Sunday Night Football, then I'm off to bed. Hope you all had a good weekend and I hope you have a good night. Goodnight friends. Catch you on the flipside.

Day Sixty Two

I'll write more in the morning (Hopefully sans hangover!) about my day today. I'm in no way able to type out my thoughts. In fact I've dozed off twice writing this. Catch you on the flipside.:) I promise I'll write more in the AM.

Day Sixty One

So, I woke up a little late today and really couldn't sleep well last night. It was pretty much a bad night. My CPAP machine has been hurting my head. I need to get different head gear. It's starting to drive me nuts. I got to work around 7:30am and had to mess with the server first thing. The Exchange services went stale and the folder store dismounted from the system, so e-mail was down since 3am this morning. We exceeded our database size limit...great. We've officially outgrown the system. I made the necessary changes and we'll see if it dismounts tonight. I hope not! I worked all day to get a computer reformatted for Lisa and finished it around 3pm, so I took it over and set it up for her. She's happy! It's faster and cleaned out and we messed with the resolution on the monitor so it's easier for her to read. So, we're good there! And....drumroll please...our maintenance software that has been in service since 1994, BABY36 made by California Software, is being retired as of tomorrow. I, along with everyone else is ecstatic and we're welcoming EBis into our system. So, myself and 4 other maintenance technicians are working on manually moving all of our current customer info, work orders, parts and aircraft info over...MANUALLY. We have to manually type in all the new info because the DOS (Yes, I said DOS) program won't allow us to cut and paste, so it's total manual labor. We're about halfway done. Not bad for 20 man hours so far. We stayed until about 9:30pm or so and will be starting tomorrow morning at 8am and working until we're done. I also have to set one of the other girls up with dual monitors...that should be fun, cuz I don't have a video card that will work...at least I don't think I do...we'll see. I really wanted to have a beer tonight, but I can't find anyone that wants to go out and grab one with me. So, I'm off to bed. I hope you all have a good night. Night my friends...catch you on the flipside...

Day Sixty

Man...sixty days? I kinda feel like I should be way ahead of where I am now. I wanted to be down like 50 pounds, but I haven't weighed in since week 4. I don't want to weigh in until Halloween I think. Time to kick this shit into high gear. I am going to try and start a new diet this weekend. I started my day today at 4am and went to work and was on the bike by 5:30am. I was really really sore this morning. I went 10 miles and quit a little early because I was just too sore to continue. I'm thinking about setting a weekly goal for riding. Maybe 75 miles a week? What do you guys think? If I do 10-15 a day, that should cover it. I am getting ready to head to bed. I have been up way too long and I need to get to bed. I was thinking last night...I want to start bagging my lunch again and really work on eating even healthier. The weight watchers thing was working, but I am eating things just because they work on the points scale...I want to work on eating better. I had a dream last night. I had a dream that my brother Tim came home for Thanksgiving and didn't recognize me...damn it, I want that to happen, but slow and steady...I know. I keep having these dreams of being able to fly and stuff and dating again and doing all the things I really want to do and each day it seems just like this weight loss is like watching the hour hand of a clock. It sucks, but I know it's for the best. I'll get there...patience has always been a strong suit of mine with others, but I guess not with myself I guess. :) Well, enough babbling. I'm off to bed, I need to get some sleep. Goodnight, friends. Catch you on the flipside.

Day Fifty Nine

Started this day around 4:30am. Got up, got dressed, ate breakfast and went to work to start riding. I went out there with the mentality that I was going to hit 20 miles on the bike. I figured as long as I could maintain a 10mph pace, I could do it with no problems. So, I took off on the bike around 5:30am. I had a quick pace off the bat and could tell I got slower as the morning went on. It was DARK... I need a headlight on my bike and a mount for my phone on the handlebars so I can see my bike computer so I can keep track of my pace and time. I rode...and rode...and rode...the sun got higher and higher. It was a lot of fun actually. I stopped once to get a drink of water and jumped back on the bike to finish it off. I hit 20 miles right at 7:30am. It felt so good...but man I was tired! It was just so draining. I think I need to wait until after riding to eat breakfast so I can recoop some energy. We'll see tomorrow. I'm hoping to do the same thing tomorrow. We'll see. So, after that, I went and did some work and got a lot done. I am taking half a day off tomorrow since I have to work on the weekend. I'm going to visit my pulminologist to get my sleep apnea machine data checked out and get looked at again. Time for my 6 month checkup. Should be interesting. Then, Dan, Butch and I are heading out to fly micro planes again after work. I am tired and need to get to bed to get up to ride again. I can't wait to hit the sack. Hope you all had a good night. Goodnight my friends. Catch you on the flipside.

Day Fifty Eight

Well, I had a bad night last night. I fell asleep at about midnight and had a dream about someone and couldn't fall asleep again after that. By the time I fell asleep again, it was about 4am. I just couldn't get them out of my head. :( just missing them badly for some damn reason. Once I was finally able to fall back to sleep, I found myselfwaking up at like 7:45am... Ergh! Once at work, I had a ton to do... It seemed like I didn't have enough time to get it all done. Realizing how nice it was outside, I decided to see if Butch and Dan wanted to fly after work, so they both met me at Munhall school's parking lot for some micro plane flying. Had some good laughs and I needed that today. I'm taking Thursday off since I'm working all weekend, so I gotta find something to do. When I came home from flying, I ate a sandwich for dinner and went and am doing laundry and am laying in bed waiting for the washer to finish so I can take a shower without the hot water going crazy. Can't wait to hit the pillow. Hoping for some uninterrupted sleep tonight for sure... Hope you're all having a good night. Goodnight my friends... Catch you on the flipside.

Day Fifty Seven

Woke up at the butt crack of dawn this morning...and I mean...4:30am. I got up, went to the bathroom and went back and laid down for about 2 min...big mistake. I then proceeded to wake up at 5:34am. I wanted to be at work by 6am so I could get an early start to the ride. Oh well, so I made it to work by 6:30am. Got on the bike and did a few warm up trips up and down the parking lot before really hitting the laps. As I turned down the parking lot to head to the ramp, I saw my boss, Brad getting out of his car to go into his office. He gave me a "Mikeeeeey!" and a wave and off I went. I took off slow and slowly progressively got faster and then maintained a steady 10mph pace. It's just enough to keep my heart rate at about 150-160 in the right gear, so I'm happy with that. Tex and Harry (ConAgra pilots) had the Lear APU running getting ready for this morning's flight, so I was riding by the jet under the canopy on each pass. On one pass, I noticed passengers getting on board and Tex and Harry waved as they started the jet...I rode in circles behind the jet a good 30-40 yards behind it and waited until they got ready to taxi out. It was pretty damn cold this morning, so the warm jet exhaust was a welcome addition to the morning. I love the smell of JetA in the morning. :) As they started taxiing out, I got right behind the jet and pedaled as hard as I could agains the force of the exhaust. It's hard to do! Gets the heartrate up though! It's a good 30-40mph wind. When I went back to the corporate hangar, I passed Brad on the access road. He was out for a jog and he was all bundled up. Had a good day at work...kinda slow, but good! We're going to have an article written about us in a magazine and we wanted to take some good pictures. We had a bunch of big jets come in today and we had a good opportunity to get some good shots. I climbed up on our air stairs and took a whole bunch of shots. I came back into the office and my boss was standing there. He said something to the effect of "You know, in any other situation, I would say being your boss, I should be the one inspiring you, but I can truthfully say that you are the one inspiring me every morning watching you ride in the cold." That was pretty damn cool of him to say...makes me wanna keep going for sure. When I came home I had dinner and went over to Dan and Emily's the BS and watch a little Monday Night Football and have a beer. Ended up being a nice day, but it's 11:45pm and I'm not looking forward to getting up in 5 hours. Oh well. Gotta do it, right? Hope you all have a good night. Goodnight, friends...catch you on the flipside.

Day Fifty Six

I'll be honest, I don't really feel like writing tonight. I woke up around 7 this morning and had the worst headache ever. I could totally feel that I've been neglecting my workouts because of my back. My legs are sore, I feel groggy...I can just tell and I feel like shit. I'm going to ride tomorrow morning come hell or high water. I don't care how cold or windy it is. I can't wait to go to bed tonight. I need to hit the sack early so I can get up early and ride. I'm thinking of maybe taking a day off this week since I have to work late on Friday and work on Saturday. I'm hoping this week makes me focus a little better....I need it. This weekend I had a lot of time to think and I have decided that I'm over thinking everything. I am blaming myself for a lot more than I should be and I need to realize that things that happen to me aren't always under my control. Time to just do it. Stop talking and writing about doing it and thinking about doing it and JUST DO IT. Goodnight, friends. Catch you on the flipside...

Day Fifty Five

OK...it's time to get back on the bike...I'm miserable. I can feel my muscles tightening up from not riding or walking all week because of my back. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll go for a ride on the trail. Butch and I are going to go flying really early so the wind isn't crazy like it was today. When I got up this morning, I went and got breakfast with Matt and Butch came by with a couple of new airplanes he bought. We checked them out and went to check out the new Hobby Town USA store. I had to deliver flowers for my mom this morning so she could go and visit her friend in Indianapolis. So, Butch and I went and picked up the flowers at the shop and took them out to the bride and then to the wedding hall where the wedding was. On the way back, both of us were really hungry, so we went to Lou Malnati's and bought a pizza and went home. Matt came home and we talked about having a campfire tonight and doing marshmallows and stuff. We don't like our firepit, so Matt and I went to Menards to buy a new firepit. When we got home, we met Megan and Josh and had a great time. Butch showed up and we had a lot of fun. It's now 1:45am and we just quit the fire. We burned 4 bundles of wood and a half a bag of marshmallows. Tomorrow, I want to go to Jewel and get groceries before Monday because I want to start brown bagging my lunch every day. We'll see how that goes! I want to see about getting a contact lens exam this week so I can get rid of these damn glasses. They were really bugging me today. We'll see what my health plan covers. Not too sure about it. Well, I'm beat and wanna get to bed. Hope you all had a nice day and a good night. Goodnight, friends. Catch you on the flipside...