Final Setback

Well, it's been a long time since I've had a chance to sit down and lay all my thoughts out. I guess writing is more therapeutic than I thought. I was feeling so much better when I was writing each night. I had been thinking about where I'm at in life last night and I was not happy. I've fallen away from working out and eating right and it's taking its toll on me emotionally. I know in my head that I should be taking better care of myself, but in my heart I just don't feel the drive. I've got a serious case of "I don't give a shit". I sit and wish I was out flying or out dating and making the rounds and I sit and work my ass off at work or sit on the computer or watch tv. It's been a long time since I had any contact with my ex and it got me thinking I would send her a message on Facebook to have her wish her daughter a happy belated birthday for me and she was not on my friends list anymore. That really hurts. It's so stupid that something so simple hurts like this, but it hurts pretty bad. I feel like I've been thrown to the curb one last time and just put away and off to be forgotten. I always like to make a good impression on people and to feel like I've just been put away like this sucks. So, I will take that as one last stomp on my heart and now I will try to completely move on. It's hard, but I have no choice. I've wasted enough time feeling sorry for myself. This is bullshit. I am much fucking better than this. I have a lot to offer and I had a friend a long time ago that somehow I always find a way to make things happen for myself. I was driving by the old airport today and was thinking about when I spent every free minute over there walking and exercising to get this weight the F off me and I was on a streak and then it stopped. This is the same thing happening to me right now and I need to conquer it. I need to do a bunch of things. I need to get my ass out of debt and get my ass into shape so I can start flying and start thinking about dating again. I really miss having someone...a lot. I will say this, I'm so thankful for my friends. They all have been really great understanding that this is the first time I've gone thru something like this and they have been very patient with me. I think it's time for bed. I am tired and need to rest my mind. This vacation has been good for me, but I'm ready to get back to work. It's kinda driving me nuts that I'm not at work. Hope you all have a great night and a Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for all my friends. I love you guys. Goodnight, friends. Catch you on the flip side.

Hating winter...and it's fall

Well, let's see. I am completely discouraged and in desperate need of a kick in the ass and a pep talk. My old friend Heather used to be really good at providing me with the right shoe in the ass to get me motivated and she's not around anymore. I can't seem to get myself up and moving in the mornings anymore because I haven't been sleeping well and I'm too tired at the end of the day to get to the gym as much as I want to. I miss my ex and I think that's why I haven't been sleeping. I felt like I was a better person when I was with her. I felt like I had a better purpose. I finally felt grown up and had some responsibility. It was very nice. I felt like a father and a husband a lot and it felt so great. I need to get something else going. I bought a new guitar on Friday and am going to start getting serious about learning guitar. I need to start getting into a gym regimen now that the weather has turned to shit. Going to the gym feels totally weird now after busting my ass outside for the last couple of months. This should be easy and it's the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Gastric bypass surgery is looking like an easy out, but I don't know if I want to do that. I'm still on the slate for it as soon as I get approved. I don't know. I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get there. I would love nothing more than to defeat this crippling condition like an H bomb, though. Tomorrow is a new day and I plan on doing some soul searching tonight before I go to bed. Bears just beat Philly and Michael Vick just spent most of the game on his face, so I'm happy. Sorry to rant again...I'll cheer up soon. Writing and getting it out makes me feel better for sure. Hope you all are doing well. Get some sleep. We'll catch you on the flipside.