Hi all! So...I just deleted everything I just typed in tonight's note. I went off on a rant about something that just isn't appropriate for the notes here. Some day I'll elaborate, but here goes tonight's note. Wake up time was normal, but I gotta tell ya, I don't think I'm really used to getting up this early yet. I really had to force myself out of bed this morning. But, the hot shower really made me feel better. That scale was hissing at me this morning while I was in the shower and I knew I had to step on it to shut it up though. Jumped on and saw a 6lbs loss. Not too bad! I must be doing something right!
Before I went to work, I loaded my bike up in the Suburban and decided to ride it at least a little today. My butt is KILLING me from that bike seat, so I found a "No Pressure" bike seat from Schwinn online today that is more like a squared seat. My but just doesn't adjust to that seat on my bike. I'm excited to see how the new seat is! I rode to our fuel farm on the other side of the airport and back. That's 2 miles right there. Then I did two laps around our ramp which is a mile. After the bike ride, I walked another mile. Every day is getting easier and I know someday I'm gonna be doing it without my back hurting, so all I can do is press on, baby! After that, I parked the bike in the hangar and got to work. Work was pretty slow today, but I made the best of it by checking on some things that I haven't had the time to check on with our server and website.
Before lunch, I went over to the FBO to get a bottle of Diet Coke and when I walked up to the desk, Shalene said "Where's the smile today?" I said "I am so tired and SOOOO sore!" My butt is just killing me from that bike. I told Shalene the number for today and she was so excited. Everyone is so excited to see my progress and it's awesome motivation. I know I can do this. It's so hard to know that it's going to take a long time to get it done, but my buddy Dave today made it known that I have completed 25% of my goal! At the beginning of 2010, I had been at my all-time heaviest. No, I'm not releasing that horrifying number. Since then, I have lost 77lbs total. That is 25% of my goal. You can do the math. Dave figured out that if I keep up this pace, I can start flight training in the spring!! Holy crap...if I can do that, I'll be SOO HAPPY!!! That is one of many of my goals.
This weight thing eats at me every single day and knowing that I have to do this before I can start flying and maybe try dating again really lingers in my heart every day and might be the one thing that makes me sad. I had a couple of people today ask me if I have been dating anyone and truthfully, the thought of dating anyone right now makes me sick to my stomach. There is no way my heart is ready for that at all. I have to get myself healthy and be happy with myself before I can try and date again. There is so much I regret about missing out on in my recent relationship that I don't want to put another person through the burdens or lack of fun that I feel like I put my ex-girlfriend through. She put up with a lot and I don't want anyone else to have to go thru that kind of stuff again. She deserved a lot better than that. I don't want to hold anyone back again. I just want to be normal and not be "handicapped"(for a lack of a better word) and really have the ability to do ANYTHING with whomever may cross my path in the future.
Anyways, it's late and I still need to do laundry. So, with that, I bid you all a good night and hope you all had a great day today! Goodnight, friends. Catch you on the flipside...
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