Pheww.....where to start tonight...
Didn't sleep a wink last night. I just couldn't get into that mode. I had so many things in my head that bounced around my head like a game of pong. Back and forth, back and forth...all friggin' night long. I sat up in bed last night with all of this brain garbage and self-defeating crap whipping around like a tether ball around a pole...around and around it goes...when it hits the end of the rope, it unwinds and goes the other direction. I guess I just kept wanting time to speed up. Time heals all wounds and time is plentiful. I want it to speed up, but I want more of it and I want some back too.
I pretty much don't remember my drive to work this morning. I was exhausted. Got to work, did my walk and proceeded with my day. Work was pretty busy today. I got a lot accomplished and have a bunch to do tomorrow. Got home, ate dinner, did a few things on the computer and now I'm writing and getting ready to do laundry so I can go to bed early. I can't believe it's almost 7pm and I'm ready for bed. What 30 year old does that?!?
On the way home, I heard a song by Steven Tyler and Carlos Santana called "Just Feel Better" I kept hearing a line that says "I'll do anything to just feel better". I know in my heart that the changes I'm making right now at this moment hurt like hell and put me thru a lot of physical and emotional pain, but in some way, it's really making me feel better. Nothing worth while is ever easy. Many people have heard me say that to them thru the years and now I have to listen to my own advice. I have to do this to find myself. ME...I need to find MY LIFE, not the life I've outside this shell. I will and would do anything for anyone at any time of day. I have this motto that a friend of mine keeps and it has bled over to me. "If I have it, and you need it, it's all yours. No questions asked." Deep down inside me is a strong, loving, caring, good-hearted, giving, selfless soul that is weakened by this outer shell...I'll be damned if I'm going to be stuck in here any more. No matter how painful or difficult, I'm going to do anything to just feel better.
Goodnight, my friends. Catch you on the flipside. Love ya
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