OK...today was rough. Thank god it's almost over. I started the day by waking up at a ridiculous hour due to a bad dream. I literally woke up so upset I couldn't go back to sleep. I ended up falling back asleep and woke up with a horrible headache because I didn't have my CPAP machine on when I fell back to sleep. I can't believe how much I rely on that machine, but it's been a total blessing. I can fall asleep in one position and wake up in the exact same spot without moving. I sleep so well it's crazy (When my mind isn't racing). I got up around 5:30 and took a shower. Went downstairs and ate some Cheerios. On the way to work, I damn near fell asleep driving. As soon as I got to work I started walking. I didn't want to sit down because I would want to put my head down and nap. Walked for about 45 minutes and then took a break to watch the front desk for Al. I guess the girls were running late, so I watched the phones for him while he pulled the Caravan under the canopy. Work was kind of weird today. I was doing like 10 different things at the same time all day and didn't get everything done that I needed to get done. I am still catching up. To top it all off, I do part-time work as a graphic designer for another company and they have a catalog that needs to be finalized tonight before it goes to print, so I've been trying to get that finished. Every time I think I have it figured out, we make another change and I have to re-package the file. Not that I mind, but I have laundry to do tonight as I have no clean clothes to wear tomorrow and I want to go to bed early. Soooooo...laundry is in the washer and I'm taking a break to write my note for the night because I am going to hit the sack as soon as I'm done with the catalog. I wanted to go to XSport fitness tonight to see what membership is going to cost me and possibly join, but people are telling me that it's gonna cost me like $250 off the bat to join and I don't have that kind of ching to drop right now. So, I'll just keep doing what I'm doing. Seems to be working! Maybe I will join the Norris Center in the meantime because it seems less expensive for now. I'm really looking forward to some pool time. I haven't been swimming in years...yeah...I know...sad! I'll get there though! I was texting a friend today and we were discussing this whole new life thing and she told me that she's so excited to see how this transformation comes out. She's so nice to me. Her morning pep talks really keep me motivated for sure. I keep hearing people tell me what a good looking guy I'm going to be when I lose all this weight and I'm looking forward to it all. I am really looking more forward to being able to climb into a Cessna with someone special someday and go up for a ride to see the sun set and enjoy the evening scenery from above. There really is nothing like seeing the city of Chicago from 2000 feet at sunset...it's so cool. Some day I guess it will happen. I'll be healthy and fit and have someone right there next to me to enjoy life. Just not nearly ready for that. Flying has always been that dream of mine that I haven't been able to achieve. It's so nice to hear the encouragement and I'm sure there are a lot of people that are tired of seeing these notes I guess, but this definitely helps me handle everything. I guess it helps me process things that have occured during the day. I've been contemplating seeing a therapist about everything that's gone down this summer. I have my good days and I have bad days. When I have bad days, it just seems to nag at me all day wondering where I went wrong and wondering how things might have been if I had been in better shape and was able to be more active. 1000 things go thru my head when I have those days and writing and talking about it helps me process everything. I was told today that I'm allowed to have days like this, but I need to process it and move forward. Honestly, after writing this tonight, I feel a little better. Totally ready for bed now. Laundry is done now and I'm ready for a hot date with my bed and my CPAP machine. :)
Thanks for reading this if you took the time. Hope you all have a great night. :) Goodnight.
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