Final Setback

Well, it's been a long time since I've had a chance to sit down and lay all my thoughts out. I guess writing is more therapeutic than I thought. I was feeling so much better when I was writing each night. I had been thinking about where I'm at in life last night and I was not happy. I've fallen away from working out and eating right and it's taking its toll on me emotionally. I know in my head that I should be taking better care of myself, but in my heart I just don't feel the drive. I've got a serious case of "I don't give a shit". I sit and wish I was out flying or out dating and making the rounds and I sit and work my ass off at work or sit on the computer or watch tv. It's been a long time since I had any contact with my ex and it got me thinking I would send her a message on Facebook to have her wish her daughter a happy belated birthday for me and she was not on my friends list anymore. That really hurts. It's so stupid that something so simple hurts like this, but it hurts pretty bad. I feel like I've been thrown to the curb one last time and just put away and off to be forgotten. I always like to make a good impression on people and to feel like I've just been put away like this sucks. So, I will take that as one last stomp on my heart and now I will try to completely move on. It's hard, but I have no choice. I've wasted enough time feeling sorry for myself. This is bullshit. I am much fucking better than this. I have a lot to offer and I had a friend a long time ago that somehow I always find a way to make things happen for myself. I was driving by the old airport today and was thinking about when I spent every free minute over there walking and exercising to get this weight the F off me and I was on a streak and then it stopped. This is the same thing happening to me right now and I need to conquer it. I need to do a bunch of things. I need to get my ass out of debt and get my ass into shape so I can start flying and start thinking about dating again. I really miss having someone...a lot. I will say this, I'm so thankful for my friends. They all have been really great understanding that this is the first time I've gone thru something like this and they have been very patient with me. I think it's time for bed. I am tired and need to rest my mind. This vacation has been good for me, but I'm ready to get back to work. It's kinda driving me nuts that I'm not at work. Hope you all have a great night and a Happy Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for all my friends. I love you guys. Goodnight, friends. Catch you on the flip side.