Ask for help? Really??

I know its been a long time since ive written. In fact, I think the last time I wrote, it was before thanskgiving. Here it is post Christmas and I'm not where I wanted to be one bit. I got this kindle fire for Christmas the other day and yesterday I was watching a movie on it about Steve Jobs. While watching it, I heard the narrator saying that Steve finally had a hard time embracing the threat of an early death and how it was sobering for him. He took long walks and set goals for himself every day after his surgeries. I have to find a way to find myself. Whenever I think ive got it figured out, I talk about it too much and then I fail. I feel like I'm failing all my friends when I talk about my goals and never accomplish them. Then I really feel like crap and embarrassed. I went on a date a few weeks ago and it was nice, but I think I disappointed her. I just felt absolutely no spark whatsoever and I was mad. I know if its meant to be, its meant to be, but I would really love to find someone again. There is no way in hell I'm ready though. Knowing that my weight is going ti hold me back from a lot in a relationship, I'm better off not trying right now. I joined match.com last month and its been a total waste. I've talked to a few girls, and they're nice, but they either live too far away, or the ones I try and contact completely ignore me. Everyone says I need to "get out" and meet women, but I am not nor have I ever been a bar person and if I was, I have no one to hang at a bar with. All my friends are married or just plain don't hang at bars. If I had the money, I would hire a trainer and fer my ass kicked every day at the gym and hire a nutritionist. I just feel like working and that's about it. I don't wanna go out anywhere, don't wanna go out with anyone, I need to be alone for a while and focus on a plan. I need to be on my own for a while I think...I dunno. I was told this afternoon that I was an ass because I said the only person that could help me, was me. Maybe she was right...