By myself

About 6 or 7 years ago, I had this thought in my head that I don't quite remember...but I remember thinking I hated being fat. I was totally disgusted with myself and one morning instead of parking at work, I parked at a parking lot a half mile away from work and walked to work...I made sure to bring my lunch every day, so I packed a sandwich, chips and an apple and did that every single day for like 6 months...I must have lost 125 lbs in 6 months and didn't even know it, I just wasn't paying attention, I think it was because I was focused on getting the attention of a girl at work, but I never noticed until my boss pulled me aside and asked me flat out if I was ok, because apparently my weight loss was drastic enough for people to notice. I had lots of people asking about it and I just shrugged my shoulders and just said I was walking more. When it got hot, I stopped for some stupid reason and it all came back. After talking with some folks today, I have decided to try the same thing...I'm not going to talk about it with anyone, or write about it or talk about it openly unless I'm asked. I'm just going to do it. This whole thing is in my head and I need to get it last my thick skull that the only payoff for being fat and worrying about everyone but myself is making everyone else happy before myself. But let me tell you, I'm not happy. I walk around in pain every single day. It hurts to get up and out of bed until I'm all stretched and warmed up in the morning. I can't do what I want to do with my life because I'm worried about everything else but ME...bullshit. That's stopping right now. If I start thinking about myself a little more, maybe I can finally be happy. This is something I have to do for me, with me alone and against me...this is going to be a battle against myself. A lot was brought to light tonight and I'm ready to try this again. I love all my friends and family...and I might be grumpy for a while when I'm trying to get into a groove, but just bear with me. I beg you. Don't give up on me. I'm not, so please don't give up on me. I need you guys badly. More than you realize and more than I might let on. Time for some sleep. I wanna get up early and do some photo shooting in the morning. Catch you on the flip side.